Most days I wake up and literally can’t believe this is my life.. I feel so thankful and blessed for everything around me. Grateful for how God has transformed my life and grateful that He has made the little I had into something more beautiful than I could have ever hoped for or imaged.
I look at my growing belly, past the itchy stretch marks, heaviness and discomfort I see the most precious gift I could ever be given. The gift of life. I wonder how God could have found me fit or suitable enough to place this miracle within me. I wonder how I could be so lucky to have such an amazing husband. He is so talented, supportive, caring and considerate. He’s given me a sense of stability and structure that my heart has always longed for, knowing that he is always in my corner, rooting me on has given me such confidence to pursue my dreams, words can not even describe how thankful I am for him. I wake up every day in such a beautiful home, a wonderful job, fabulous friends and family. Most times, I don’t understand how I can be SO blessed.
I know that it’s not because of anything I’ve done. I know that I could never do enough to make myself worthy of all that God has blessed me with. I realize that it’s by His grace alone I’m able to have more than I deserve.
When I stop and think about grace, a very simple picture comes to mind.. (if you know me, you know I need an illustration for everything!) I envision myself, standing, looking towards the heavens at all of God’s goodness and glory, His love and mercy, and it just seems so far from me, close enough to see it and yearn for it but too far to touch it! And then I see grace. I believe grace is the substance that bridges the gap from where I am to where God is. Grace fills in everything that I can’t. It makes a way to a destination that would otherwise be impossible to reach. It makes the impossible, possible.
With all that I have, I still wake up every morning knowing that there is so much more to come. I turn over and see the most amazing man I know laying by my side (in case you didn’t know, I think my husband is absolutely wonderful and I’ll never stop saying it), my daughter flipping in my belly and I think “wow, could it get any better?”..
Something inside of me always whispers, “Yes. It can and it will”.
Now, I don’t say this to brag, or because I’m arrogant or conceited. I don’t even say it because my life is perfect or because I have no lack or struggle, that’s not the truth either. I say this because I can look across the balance of my life, the good and the bad, and still know that each portion is a blessing, not a burden. I’m a woman who chooses to talk about my joys and not my struggles, my hope and not my fears, my future and not my failures. If that is offensive, that’s unfortunate.
As my pregnancy comes to an end I’m filled with excitement and anticipation about the newest addition to our family. Filled with awe and wonder, I think what will it be like? Will I be a good mother? Will my husband and I provide for our daughter? Will we lead and direct her in the ways that she should go? Will I be a good example of a Christian women? Will my relationship with God be something she is attracted to or will she try to deflect God because of my example? Will my marriage remain stable and strong? Will my house stay in order? Will I still be able to write? Can I possibly be as active in ministry as I believe I’m called to be WHILE raising a child? Will I be the mother my daughter deserves?
As all these questions run through my mind, I can honestly say, I don’t have much of an answer for any of them. I really don’t know what things will be like, I don’t know what’s going to happen, I don’t know where this road will take me. I can see where I am, I can see where I’m going, but the road to get there is still a blur.. In the midst of all the confusion, there is one thing that rings in my heart, loud and clear, the one thing that keeps me confident, the still, small voice that whispers:
“Surely there is enough grace.”
I realize that before I was a wife, a leader, a teacher, a writer, a mother, a friend, a sister, an aunt, an employee before I was any of these things, I was simply: Daughter
Realizing that being a Daughter to the Father is what I was first called to do, and being His Daughter will be my only eternal title, brings me peace that no matter what other “titles” I hold in between, Daughter came first and Daughter will be last. I may not know exactly what this journey will look like but I know that grace will bridge the gap of where I am, and where I need to go.
Maybe this life is impossible, maybe I do have unrealistic expectations OR maybe, just MAYBE I have come to the realization that with man it may be impossible, but with God ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.
As I enter into this new chapter of life I’m convinced I will find success and balance, peace and joy. My prayer each day is “Not by my strength, but by YOUR grace.” and surely, there is enough grace……….