Do you ever have one of those moments that seems meaningless enough but actually changes your life forever?
I had one of those ‘Ah-Ha’ moments a few weeks ago. I was at church (SUPER excited to be there because week night services come far and few for me in this season of life) and just feeling, honestly- amazing. I had gotten out of work a couple short hours earlier, went home and packed my kids bags for their first day of school, made dinner, straightened up and then headed out to church. Now, that doesn’t seem like anything miraculous but for me, it was everything! I honestly didn’t think I would- or could- make it that day with the demands I had on my time at home.
Anyways, fast forward to the service and a young man walks over with a couple bottles of water that he leaves on the seats next me and as our eyes lock he said ‘Do you want a water?’ and I responded (with mucho gusto I might add) ‘No thanks, I brought my own!’
I’m not sure what it was in that moment, but when the words ‘I brought my own’ left my mouth, they quite LITERALLY echoed through my soul, over and over again. I kept repeating to myself with the LARGEST smile on my face, ‘I brought my own. I brought my own! I BROUGHT MY OWN!’
Now, by now I’m sure you understand, this has nothing to do with water and everything to do with the deeper needs I have in life. This was about my realization that whatever I need, through Jesus, I can bring it to the table. Now; before I continue, don’t go rogue on me. This isn’t a ‘I don’t need anyone’ kinda message, quite the opposite. Community and interdependence is a beautiful thing, what this is however is the realization that GONE are the days where I wait for someone else to give me what I need. GONE are the days where I am sitting empty waiting for someone else to fill me up. GONE are the days where I walk into a situation hungry or thirsty and waiting on anyone to satisfy me- physically, mentally or spiritually.
One of my favorite scriptures is ‘God is within her, she will not fail’ Ps. 46:5 This moment reminded me that God is within me and He has equipped me to be more then capable to bring my OWN peace, my OWN confidence, my OWN affirmation, my OWN reconciliation, my OWN forgiveness, my OWN purpose, my OWN encouragement, my OWN inspiration. I can bring my own. Each and every time, I can bring what I need because it’s already within me.
For a girl who has spent a long time trying to get out of my feelings, this is great freakin’ news!! Because now, I don’t need to wait for someone else to fill my cup, I brought my own. I don’t have to wait for someone to validate me, I brought my own. I don’t need to wait for someone to say something or do something that gives me confidence, I bought my own. Essentially- for a lack of better words- I am my own best hype girl. So what I feel (or don’t), what I experience (or don’t), what I have, do, say, accomplish (or don’t) is on me. I take back the control. I take back the responsibility. I, by the grace of God, am empowered to bring my own – whatever- each and every time! This is INCREDIBLE newssssssss!!!
Do you know how many times I’ve walked out of a situation feeling sad or frustrated because things didn’t go as I hoped or ‘I didn’t get what I needed’ from that situation?! I mean- too many to count! But guess what, God has made me well able to do it for myself and THAT I WILL!! If it feels like I’m yelling at you- I kinda am! This is my ‘very excited, I want you to get this’ voice. Gosh- I am so sick of being at the emotional mercy of others. I bring my OWN from now, on.
I’m not sure what that looks like for you, but I’d like to encourage you to take back the ownership of your heart and mind, don’t leave your life in the hands of anyone other then God. He is creator AND sustainer. And whenever we seek wholeness from anything or anyone other then Him, we are left empty.
So here’s to bring your own whatever! Bring it, baby! You’ve got this!